A few years ago I met a woman who I will name Angela. Angela had gone through a challenging relationship with a former boyfriend 10 years earlier. He broke up with her after a long painful relationship. Angela was devastated because of the breakup, the painful experience, and the dreams that she did not get to experience with him. She also thought that he was dishonest and ungrateful for all the time and dedication she invested in the relationship. With the unfair nature of her situation, Angela spent the next few years ruminating about several aspects of the relationship. She had not dated since and was very confident that one day he would come back and apologize for all that he had done to her. At the time that I met Angela, her youth was passing by and the many chances that she had to move on did not appear to mean anything to her: she was stuck!

Unhappily, Angela’s stagnation is a very common situation. We all have been stuck in some points in life. In cases like these, we can consider two aspects:

• We feel resentful because we think that we know what is fair, although people may not agree with us. Some of us have a tendency to apply a measuring ruler against every situation and judge its fairness. We spend time and energy not only measuring unfairness but also fighting with others; the results are bitterness and frustration. We avoid to grow emotionally, psychologically, and socially because we fail to realize that things will not always work out in our favor, even when we think they should. Therefore, it may be more helpful to exercise flexibility and look at the circumstances from other angles in order to break some rigid perceptions that keep us stagnated.

• We do live in an imperfect world and justice as we hope will not always be served. I am not advocating for not seeking justice, I am advocating for realizing that justice many times is not in our hands and waiting for it immobilized does not do us any good. This situation reminds me of the serenity prayer: “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.” If we can do things to change the situation, then it may be a wise thing to strengthen our discipline and fight for righteousness. On the other hand, if they are out of our hand, perhaps then we should reevaluate the situation and search for aspects of life that we, in fact, have power over. We can certainly make more of a positive contribution recognizing and investing where we can indeed make a difference.

How to recognize that we fall more on the first situation or on the second? Ask! Ask the people close to you that you trust if they see you as being a bit too judgmental and spending too much time on matters that are not a big issue. Also, it may be helpful to contact people who are experts in subjects related to the unfair situation we are experiencing. For instance, if they are legal matters, you need to contact lawyers to see if there is indeed something that can be done or if you have a case to begin with. Once you educate yourself about the issue in hand, then you can make better decision regarding engaging in a situation worth fighting for or not. Whether you are fighting or not, it is also important to look for emotional and many times psychological support. Ask for help from a friend you trust, a loving family member, a spiritual mentor, a counselor, etc., so you can process the situation to help you to move through or move on.